DAILY NEWS FROM MAMLAKAT KALAHARI 9 August 2015
(Many of our inhabitants have received a message from a moron from Kuwar, well, one of the morons of Kuwar, named NicholasTheGreat. Please disregard this message.)
SLAVE REENA RETURNS FOR BRIEF VISIT AND CONSULTATION WITH THE KING
In a development surprising to many, slave reena made a lightning visit to the Kingdom for important consultations with King Hassan and Minister of External Affairs Afraa al Abid. All participants refused comment about the substance of the discussion, but the mood seemed upbeat. We expect real benefits for the Kingdom from slave reena's secret mission.
SEARCH FOR ESCAPED SLAVE TALLY
In much darker news, concerning another slave, agents of Princess Prith have discovered convincing evidence that slave tally reached the island of Tortuga, a well known hive of scum and villainy. Some vigorous questioning by Her Highness' men produced evidence that the slave was able to obtain passage on a fast pirate ship "Orange Crush", by "befriending" her notorious Captain, Johan Neeskens. Most of the evidence points to the destination of these criminals as "The Netherlands," a kingdom in Urop renowned for its fat-bottomed people, (hence the country's name) who have two lips (some hideous deformity).
LATE BULLETIN FROM THE DISTANT KINGDOM OF NEPAL:
Entirely new methods of communication have allowed bulletins about our beloved Princess Isis to reach Kalahari from the distant Kingdom of Nepal. Signals from blazing bonfires on the mountaintops of that mythical area were received by ships carrying mirrors, who used the mirrors to burn this image onto a bosk hide. That idea was carried across many lands, oceans, and deserts to reach our Kingdom.
Princess Isis has been consulting with Buddhist monks in Nepal, teaching them the methods of meditation she uses in her own life. The monks enthusiastically received her instruction, and have actually named one of their most sacred shrines in honor of the "Many-Faced Princess."
PRINCESS PRITH LEADS OUR TROOPS AGAINST THE DESERT RAIDERS
And in an amazing coincidence, the bosk passed through the territory where Princess Prith is leading some of our forces against raiders from the desert. She was able to use some of Princess Isis' methods of meditation to inspire her troops to even greater victories. We hope some burned hides may be used to send us images of the Princess with her troops. And it is logical to assume that the Princess, once she has conquered the raiders, will turn her energy toward pursuit of the escaped slave tally.
NEW PALACE ALMOST FINISHED
It is a fitting example of the generosity of the Royal couple King Hassan and Queen Vi, that they constructed a Medical Centre to provide health care to the Kingdom's inhabitants before finishing construction of their own Palace. But that lovely structure is now nearing completion, as well as a new Royal Garden, under the expert leadership of Queen Vi, and the excellent support of her Project Assistant, Seren Held. The Palace will provide a home for the King, the Queen, the Princess Tia, and the Harem.
Afraa al Abid
Kalahari Herald
(Many of our inhabitants have received a message from a moron from Kuwar, well, one of the morons of Kuwar, named NicholasTheGreat. Please disregard this message.)
SLAVE REENA RETURNS FOR BRIEF VISIT AND CONSULTATION WITH THE KING
In a development surprising to many, slave reena made a lightning visit to the Kingdom for important consultations with King Hassan and Minister of External Affairs Afraa al Abid. All participants refused comment about the substance of the discussion, but the mood seemed upbeat. We expect real benefits for the Kingdom from slave reena's secret mission.
SEARCH FOR ESCAPED SLAVE TALLY
In much darker news, concerning another slave, agents of Princess Prith have discovered convincing evidence that slave tally reached the island of Tortuga, a well known hive of scum and villainy. Some vigorous questioning by Her Highness' men produced evidence that the slave was able to obtain passage on a fast pirate ship "Orange Crush", by "befriending" her notorious Captain, Johan Neeskens. Most of the evidence points to the destination of these criminals as "The Netherlands," a kingdom in Urop renowned for its fat-bottomed people, (hence the country's name) who have two lips (some hideous deformity).
LATE BULLETIN FROM THE DISTANT KINGDOM OF NEPAL:
Entirely new methods of communication have allowed bulletins about our beloved Princess Isis to reach Kalahari from the distant Kingdom of Nepal. Signals from blazing bonfires on the mountaintops of that mythical area were received by ships carrying mirrors, who used the mirrors to burn this image onto a bosk hide. That idea was carried across many lands, oceans, and deserts to reach our Kingdom.
Princess Isis has been consulting with Buddhist monks in Nepal, teaching them the methods of meditation she uses in her own life. The monks enthusiastically received her instruction, and have actually named one of their most sacred shrines in honor of the "Many-Faced Princess."
PRINCESS PRITH LEADS OUR TROOPS AGAINST THE DESERT RAIDERS
And in an amazing coincidence, the bosk passed through the territory where Princess Prith is leading some of our forces against raiders from the desert. She was able to use some of Princess Isis' methods of meditation to inspire her troops to even greater victories. We hope some burned hides may be used to send us images of the Princess with her troops. And it is logical to assume that the Princess, once she has conquered the raiders, will turn her energy toward pursuit of the escaped slave tally.
NEW PALACE ALMOST FINISHED
It is a fitting example of the generosity of the Royal couple King Hassan and Queen Vi, that they constructed a Medical Centre to provide health care to the Kingdom's inhabitants before finishing construction of their own Palace. But that lovely structure is now nearing completion, as well as a new Royal Garden, under the expert leadership of Queen Vi, and the excellent support of her Project Assistant, Seren Held. The Palace will provide a home for the King, the Queen, the Princess Tia, and the Harem.
Afraa al Abid
Kalahari Herald
No comments:
Post a Comment