Kalahari Herald Chronicles 16 January 2017 3#18

DAILY NEWS FROM MAMLAKAT KALAHARI    16 January 2017  3#18

(http://mykalahariblogaddress.blogspot.com)

((and see dara's video!  https://youtu.be/EtOflO7KktA))
(((and I must make special mention of Jon1Stryker, Josie North, Julie Bright, 
King Hassan Ibn Trrrol, Minister Alyska Diamond, Queen Vi Almasa Trrrol, Roberta Honey, Rosecendre Moonwall, Sheik Dakhil Ben Yusuf, and Talena Kirax.
I read the chat transcripts from yesterday in Kalahari, especially the meeting in the Palace, 
and I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face!))

BREAKING NEWS!!!

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QUEEN VI ALMASA TRRROL RETURNS TO KALAHARI!!

SAME ABDUCTORS TOOK HER WHO HAVE MINISTER AFRAA!
KIDNAPPERS DISPLAY RUTHLESSNESS TO BOTH!
AFRAA'S CLEVER BABBLING HELPS QUEEN ESCAPE!
KALAHARI'S FINEST MINDS PLOT KING'S VENGEANCE AGAINST KIDNAPPERS!
TORTURER AND ART CONNOISSEUR ALYSKA DIAMOND NAMED MINISTER!

SLAVE TRADER AMY DAMSTER HELD AS POSSIBLE ACCOMPLICE!

TAVERN MANAGER ROBERTA HONEY BAKES TEN COFFEE CREAM PIES!

MERCHANT JON1STRYKER BRINGS INFORMATION AND RANSOM SOLUTION!

KING LINGERS OVER NAKED PICTURES OF AFRAA IN THE CHRONICLES!

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Charles Dickens

Kalahari is reeling from the emotional impact of incredible events, one tumbling upon the other with such speed, and from so many parts of the emotional landscape, that no human being can easily observe them with any sense of order or understanding.

The superb staff of the Kalahari Herald Chronicles, therefore, while tragically missing their sometimes beloved Editor Minister Afraa, will attempt to present these events and emotions in some sort of order, for the benefit of the Kingdom and its people.

1. KING HASSAN APPOINTS ALYSKA DIAMOND MINISTER OF EXTERNAL RELATIONS

The day began on a somber note as King Hassan, realizing that the abducted Afraa al Abid could not at present fulfill the important duties of Minister for External Relations, appointed Alyska Diamond, internationally renowned art collector and torture expert to that position in a temporary capacity.

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Though quite different in temperament from Afraa, Alyska shares with her a taste for displaying scandalous amounts of skin in an Arab Kingdom. In addition, both are adept at torture, though by different means: Afraa usually talks a person to death, while Alyska prefers crucifixion.

To the assembled dignitaries, the monarch expressed his belief that Afraa would be soon be back in Kalahari, and he hoped she would be able to resume her duties as Minister, if she came back in one piece, as opposed to numerous body parts at different times. But even the King, wise and experienced he is, could not have foretold the events of the next few hours.

2. THE RETURN OF QUEEN VI ALMASA TRRROL TO HER BELOVED KALAHARI

The news began as jumbled fragments, tumbling from the mouth of slave Julie Bright. Woman? Washed ashore? Bruised and battered? At first the King thought the shaken slave was reporting another incursion by Vikings, who had descended upon the peace-loving Kingdom as they had seen the King as weak, and his Kingdom ripe for plunder. Only the stout bravery of slave Abu and the warrior physician Dr. Albert had repelled the previous raid.

But when the slave finally calmed down, the King's heart lept for joy at the possibility, and he rushed to see who the battered strange woman was.

He could scarcely believe his eyes, when slave Julie helped the injured woman into his presence, and the King recognized his beloved Queen, who had disappeared on the high seas months ago. Not even the constant romantic attentions of Palace Slaves dara and Nada had erased from his memory the beautiful face of his elegant consort.

But this beaten woman bore only some resemblance to the sophisticated monarch who had charmed royal courts in many kingdoms in our region.

Her bruised and battered face displayed the harsh treatment she had received in captivity, and her feeble walk showed how she had been maltreated.

The emotional scene that followed brought tears to the eyes of all onlookers, as the weakened but caring King embraced his wife in the most tender fashion.

But in another twist in a day filled with surprises, the Panther warrior of Valnor, Rosecendre Moonwall spotted a dark robed, black-haired woman, matching the description of one of Afraa's kidnappers. Though slave trader Amy Damster tried to deny it, she turned white with fear as Rose produced more and more evidence, until the Damster woman broke and ran, thereby certifying that she was guilty of something.

The experienced panther girl tracked her down in short order, bound her,

and brought her before the King. A cacophonous combination of curses rained down upon the trader's head, and numerous threats were made, ranging from crucifixion, to forcing her to dance with the King. Both penalties were dismissed as being far too harsh, even if she had been an accomplice to the al Abid kidnapping, so it was decided that she be locked in a cell, until Minister Alyska had the time to torture her to death.

But even with his head spinning from the succession of dramatic events, the loyal King did not forget his kidnapped Minister Afraa, especially because for hours, he had been staring at naked pictures of her from yesterday's Chronicles. And the biggest bombshell of all was dropped by the recovering Queen Vi, who said SHE had seen Afraa, that, in fact, the same pirates who had abducted her had taken Afraa, and that Afraa's kidnapping had allowed the Queen to escape, though her clothes, gold and jewels had to be left behind. And, Minister Afraa also.

In her horrifying tales of frequent beatings, and incarceration, Vi mirrored what was undoubtedly happening to Afraa even as she spoke.

3. THE KING'S COUNCIL MEETS AND PLOTS STRATEGY

Moved with concern, the King summoned some of the best minds of Kalahari to the Palace to serve as a Council, to hear the Queen's story, and to make a strategy for the rescue of Minister Afraa, and the taking of vengeance on the pirates.

Among those invited from Kalahari were Josie North, slave Julie Bright, and newly-appointed Minister Alyska, who chaired the discussion, (much as gasoline chairs the flames in a massive forest fire! ahahaha) Also, the new landowner, Sheik Dakhil Ben Yusuf, soon to be married to the lovely and gentle Noura, was called upon due to his wide experience in trading precious goods (OK, the man is a slaver, what of it?) as well as his realistic, no-nonsense attitude toward life.

We have already mentioned Panther girl and beloved kitty Rosecendre, noted for her military prowess, and devotion to kissing Minister Afraa's feet, but the King was also blessed with the presence of the famed Talena Kirax. Talena served as Head of Security in the Emirate of Kuwar, and became friends with Afraa while plotting her execution--ahh a story for another day.

Talena's greatest claim to fame is, however her investigative prowess. The medieval world knows her as a dogged investigator, who has a 100% success rate in discovering the locations of missing persons. (Though our devotion to utter accuracy compels us to say that many observers feel that figure is unfairly inflated, due to the fact that Talena herself "disappeared" quite a number of these victims herself, so of course she would know where those bodies were buried!)

General Kai, mercenary, and presently Minister of Defense of the Wakiyo Empire was also present.

The meeting itself started out on a high note, when Minister Alyska read the King's proclamation that anyone who had taken any role in Afraa's abduction would be crucified, their families sold into slavery, and their goods and property confiscated for the Kingdom.

With the announcement of that policy assuring that all would be cooperative and forthcoming, Minister Alyska began her gentle questioning of the Queen with only occasional references to possible treason on her part.

The Queen stated that a beaten and bloody Afraa had been thrown into the same dungeon where she herself had been held. And while Minister Afraa was prattling on that she was to be the second wife of King Hassan, that the King preferred slaves to the Queen anyway, and that she was worth far more than the Queen (whom the pirates did not recognize as the real wife of the King,) the angry grumbling of the pirates to "shut that woman's endless chattering mouth." and their search for a gag secure enough to stop Afraa's continuous stream of syllables, allowed the Queen to make her escape with the aid of a drunken sailor, though no more need be said about that!

(The staff feels it is necessary to make two further comments. The King assured the Queen that he had no intention of marrying that "cold Minister who thinks she knows it all." And, second, we are sure that Minister Afraa knew exactly what she was doing, and that she sacrificed her own freedom to save the Queen. In fact, she should be granted the "Heroine of Kalahari Award" the highest civilian honor in the Kingdom, when she returns. Or at least when that part of her body returns where the award could be worn. ahahahaha)

The discussion then ranged far and wide when the Queen retired to her bedroom to recover from her harrowing captivity. All agreed that the pirates sensed the weakness of the Kingdom after the civil war, and felt confident that they could repeat the humiliation of the King by stealing a Minister after they had kidnapped the Queen.

The merits of a terror campaign were discussed, especially, over and over, by Minister Alyska, as well as the need for perhaps 500 warriors as an immediate supplement to the famed Kalahari "Fighting Legions."

Some time was spent on who should lead this powerful military force, but after a thorough discussion of candidates like General Kai, and Genghis Khan of the Mongol Empire, the group settled on the charming Minister Alyska, who showed her familiarity with the ways of leadership by lounging on the Royal Conference Table, to the delight of everyone, with the possible exception of the King, who, after all, has to eat off that table!

At this juncture, fortune smiled upon the King's Council, as the well known trader (OK, he moves slaves too, I know, I know) Jon1Stryker appeared with the sad story that the very same pirates had attacked his fleet, his son had been killed, and two vessels taken by these evildoers.

Jon proposed to the King that he act as "middleman" for the ransom payment, and after some haggling, it was settled that Jon would get 10% of the ransom for himself and warehouse privileges for his goods in Kalahari. He also agreed that he would divulge the names of the pirates after payment, and so he left feeling content, though he perhaps does not realize he is dealing with pirates of quite another level when he negotiates with the King's Council! In any case, he did stand firm against the usual threats of crucifixion, dismemberment, listening to the King tell stories etc., and left with hope in his heart that great riches would come his way. Your guess is as good as mine as to whether this is the ravings of a slaver pig, or solid fact.

4. MINISTER AFRAA GETS WORD OUT FROM HER CAPTIVITY

The experience of training vulos to carry messages, much like carrier pigeons, has clearly stood Minister Afraa in good stead. One of her vulos made it to the Panther girl/kitty Rose, who revealed the content of the messages to a spellbound Council.

In addition, evidently, to the constant beatings, Afraa is being kept in very strict confinement in an attempt to break her will.

In addition, the pirates are making contingency plans to move Afraa as product, and to improve her for sale, she is being forced to exercise off those few extra kilos Roberta Honey's pastries have added to her frame, with pushups

and some diabolical exercise machine.

But though Afraa is clearly worn down, notes stolen from the pirates, and included in her report by vulo, suggest she is successfully resisting their brainwashing tactics. (And there is no truth to the vicious rumor being circulated by a few unkind people, that the pirates have offered the King a ransom to take Afraa back!! ahahahah)

The notes the pirates made also make a strange reference to some fevered murmurings that come from Afraa in the few minutes she is allowed to sleep. The pirates make it out to be a phrase constantly repeated :A Mere Phat So, come save me," (pronounced E mir Fat So). Though puzzled by this reference, the buccaneers speculate it has something to do with the waters off Malacca, and perhaps the fabled Wild Man of Borneo.

Our hearts go out to the brave Minister, who must feel abandoned by Kalahari, but still heroically resists the worst of the torture. Our fondest prayers go forth for her safe return, and that Kalahari will emerge a better, stronger nation for the ordeals suffered by some of its leading citizens.

I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss, and, in their struggles to be truly free, in their triumphs and defeats, through long years to come, I see the evil of this time and of the previous time of which this is the natural birth, gradually making expiation for itself and wearing out.

Charles Dickens

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In memory of the occasionally beloved

Afraa al Abid

Kalahari Herald

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