DAILY NEWS FROM MAMLAKAT KALAHARI 14 January 2017 3#16
(http://mykalahariblogaddress.blogspot.com)
((and see dara's video! https://youtu.be/EtOflO7KktA))
BREAKING NEWS!!!
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MINISTER AFRAA AL ABID KIDNAPPED!
KING SENT RANSOM NOTE, MAY EVEN PAY IT!
ROYAL GUARD ACTIVATED!
SOME IN KALAHARI UPSET! (AHAHAHA)
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MINISTER AFRAA AL ABID IN HAPPIER TIMES
As nearly as Kalahari investigators can determine, pirates, or some other evil group, landed ashore, overpowered the Minister, and spirited her away.
The kidnap note will be printed below, so that any citizen who sees clues there might report them to the King immediately.
The problem the investigators face is that there are so many candidates for the perpetrators of this evil kidnapping. Minister Afraa, well, how can we say this, has given many people reason for abducting her, some of them unreasonable. ahahaha!!!
The obvious first suspect is the wretched sociopath, Tsarina Daria Romanova of the Empire of Iconia. As Colonel Mouna in the Emirate of Kuwar, this wicked witch was guilty of the maiming of an innocent woman, an evil act that was observed and exposed by the courageous Afraa, who tried to alert the world to the dangers of this raving lunatic. Since then, this Mouna has tried to kidnap or assassinate the brave Minister.
Afraa herself had to "persuade" this evil woman that assassination was not the way to go by eluding her incompetent bodyguards, and offering to show this skinny girl what an assassination might really look like.
Since this introduction to reality, the Kadin Mouna has tried only diplomatic methods:
But this megalomaniac is not the only suspect, unfortunately. The growth of the slave trade has caused much disruption internationally, especially in the waters off the Kingdom of Kalahari. Her work as Minister for External Relations has brought Minister Afraa into close contact with a variety of ruthless slavers.
In fact, when she floated on a small boat to Kalahari as the exiled Queen of Kuwar, the suspicious King Hassan turned her over to his then head of security, Amy Damster, for some "interrogation." Though Afraa survived the questioning, Amy went on to be a successful slave trader.
But Amy was only the first of the slave traders/import-export merchants/dealers in fine goods Minister Afraa has encountered. The shadowy merchant Jon1Stryker has been seen lurking about Kalahari, investigating Afraa even when she is taking part in traditional religious rites.
The evil and immoral Sheik Animter has also had dealings with Kalahari
as has the famous Harem Master and international purveyor of women, Sultan Suleyman of Topkapi
and the mysterious Sir Habib the Slave Trader
But further suspects could be drawn from those who fought in the civil war, who may have noticed Minister Afraa, and felt she could be a pawn in their diplomatic intrigues, whether warriors from Valnor or the Lost Jungle of the Maya, or the notorious pirate and ne'er-do-well Captain Jack Docherty of the pirate ship Red Rascal.
And we will not even dignify with a response the hot rumor that King Hassan financed the abduction himself, for the purpose of teaching the mouthy Minister a lesson, or getting rid of her constant jokes at his expense, once and for all!
And speaking of the recent civil war, there are some who suspect the Kalahari slaver Mr. Kingbe and his wife Minister Malika as the masterminds behind this kidnap.
And since Minister Afraa was a well known disciplinarian of lazy and undisciplined slaves, runaway slaves are also among the suspects being considered by the security services.
Even some of the more virile guests at various Kalahari events, like Sir Wolf, are coming under close supervision by Kalahari authorities.
as well as weddings attended by Minister Afraa in the course of her diplomatic duties:
But the most insidious and insulting of all the rumors is that AFRAA HERSELF has arranged her own abduction, for the sole purpose or re-uniting with the love of her life, the infamous Emir Hussein al Rachid (now masquerading as the Count of Palermo), whose international drug dealing, ruthless executions of political friends and foes alike, gluttonous appetite for every sweet known to humanity, and constant sexual pursuit and conquests of women of every size, shape, and nationality, have not succeeded in reducing the loving flame Afraa bears in her heart for "Emir Fatso," begun at their wedding
and continued through countless liaisons thereafter.
At this point however, we are only confronted with these facts: the abductors have left drawings that prove they have Afraa, in the most humiliating of poses
and the kidnap note they left behind, which is faithfully reproduced below:
weak KiNg haSSAn:
We HavE takEn YouRMiNisTEr AfrAA alABid, nOw CaLLed slAveCAPtiVe. أسير عبد
If yOu wiSh ToHavE her BAcK WHole, YoumUsT pay A rAnSoM oF 10 GOld Bars. 3 gOats, 10 cofFEe creAm piEs, ANd 3 sTunningLY BEauTiFUlslAvE giRLs!
if You signAl yourAccEPtancE Of OurtErmS, by fLASHing ALAntern at midnigHT aTTHe KaLaHari lanDinGtOMoRRow NIGHT, We wILlgIvE yOu instrUCtion onhOw AnD WhEre tO pAYTHe raNsOm.
iF you do Not sIGNal,piEces of sLAVE caPTivewILl Be SEnT To YOUDailY.
thE kIDNAPpErs
The King calls on all citizens to assist him in his time of need, especially attractive women whose special skills include comfort! Will he have the spine to ransom the occasionally beloved Afraa, and dance with joy at her safe return?
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In memory of the occasionally beloved
Afraa al Abid
Kalahari Herald
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