Kalahari Herald Chronicles: Kalahari Herald Chronicles 13 August 2017 3#66

DAILY NEWS FROM MAMLAKAT KALAHARI

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DRAMATIC TRIAL ENDS!

KING RENDERS JUDGMENT!

CONTROVERSY ERUPTS!

PRISONER BARBARASTAGER SENTENCED TO KINGBE HOUSEHOLD!

REGISTER OF ATTENDEES AND WITNESSES AT THE SENSATIONAL TRIAL

(King Hassan-Judge, Minister Afraa-Prosecutor, Tina Wo-Defense Solicitor, BarbaraStager-Defendant, Lady Samaira-Witness, Dalia-Untrustworthy Witness, Hanan-Witness, Princess Nathalie, Rosecynder, Stephanie Brown, Minnie, Nowhereg1rl, Ludmilla Lunasea Willenov, Jamal Hunter, Nilasso, Malika, Amena, blacklacebra, Visho India, Amirah)

Scene in the Court Room of the BarbaraStager Trial

Rumors swirled around Kalahari Kingdom the other day when King Hassan ibn Trrrol ruled that, though technically guilty of breaking Kalahari law for transporting illegal materials, the prisoner BarbaraStager should not be punished with a prison sentence, but should serve a week in the KINGBE household, under the supervision of Lady Malika. When the King announced the verdict, the spectators at the trial erupted in mixed shouts of joy, jeers, and shouts of outrage.

Lady Malika with Maid Amena

As always, the Kalahari Chronicles wanted to get to the bottom of the story, and has assigned its most brilliant investigative reporter, the lovely and talented Minister Afraa al Abid, to gather all the facts and communicate them to the Kalahari public.

In her investigation, the Minister has discovered three different schools of thought as to the reasoning behind the King's decision. (Of course, the King himself could not comment about his decision in order to maintain strict judicial neutrality.)

The first school of thought is undoubtedly the true one, and puts the King in the best light. (Editor's Note: The King finances the entire budget of the Kalahari Chronicles with the gold that Lady Stephanie, Abu, and others extract from the Mine. ahahaha)

The King carefully considering Trial evidence

In that way of thinking, the King is truly Hassan the Merciful. Realizing that even though the prisoner BarbaraStager HAD technically broken the law by transporting dangerous materials into the Kingdom, she was a naive young woman, unfamiliar with international trade and national laws, and really, after all, qat is not that harmful, and, truly she was just trying to improve the welfare of the residents of the Kingdom. The King's international reputation for mercy and kindness makes this the clear choice. (Refer to who funds the Chronicles.)

A second group of people, consisting of those who actually listened to the evidence, weighed the conflicting testimonies, and have more intelligence than a Barbary ape, were astonished at the judgment offered by the King.

The lovely and talented Prosecutor Afraa al Abid (refer to who is writing this article ahahahaha) presented a strong, logical, and evidence-based case against the prisoner. Afraa testified to the confession that BarbaraStager made to her, produced a confiscated treasure chest of poisonous herbs that the defendant had brought into Kalahari (and it is noteworthy that other evidence was stolen in a brazen theft from the Ministry building,) displayed written eyewitness testimony from Hanan about the prisoner's suspicious behavior, and then introduced the equally lovely and talented Lady Samaira, who confirmed the confession Barbara made to Minister Afraa.

Lady Samaira gives damning testimony against BarbaraStager

And this group's beliefs were clearly given credibility when the notorious Garden Girl Dalia, a supposed "witness" for the defense, fell unconscious from inhaling the poisonous herbs, leading some to wonder if the King had inhaled some of the poisonous vapors "in the interest of justice."

Dalia passes out at the feet of the King

But, of course these people are clearly mistaken, (refer to who funds the Chronicles,) though there was much comment afterwards outside the Justice Centre.

King announces verdict

Restless crowd gathers after the verdict

As to the third group of opinions, well, we almost believe they should not be mentioned. After all, it is impossible to believe that slutty dressing by the Defendant and her solicitor could possibly influence the King,